Having a new ostomy is a major life change. It’s completely natural to have questions and concerns about life after ostomy surgery, including your diet, social life, physical activity, dating, relationships, and intimacy.
If you’re wondering whether intimacy with an ostomy is still possible, the answer is yes. Many people with ostomies are able to have fulfilling intimate relationships and sex lives after they have healed from surgery. However, it’s also normal if it takes time to feel physically and emotionally ready.
Here’s our helpful guide for feeling more confident with dating, relationships, and intimacy after ostomy surgery.
Quick Tips for Intimacy with an Ostomy
- Give your body time to heal before resuming sex or other physical activity.
- Talk to your healthcare provider or ostomy nurse about when it’s safe to be intimate again.
- Share your concerns with your partner when you feel ready.
- Empty or change your ostomy pouch before intimacy to help reduce leakage concerns.
- Consider a mini ostomy pouch, stoma cap, pouch cover, wrap, or ostomy belt for added discretion or support.
- Ask about ostomy deodorizing products if odor is a concern.
- Go slowly and remember that intimacy can include closeness, touch, and connection.
Can Ostomy Surgery Affect Intimacy?
After ostomy surgery, you have to learn how to clean and care for your new stoma. It can be a big adjustment, learning your pouching routine and finding the right ostomy supplies for your needs.
But beyond that, you may go through a lot of new feelings about your ostomy or stoma. Some people experience grief, anxiety, depression, or worry about feeling unattractive. You may also have concerns about ostomy pouch leakage, odor, noisy gas, or pain during sex or intimacy.
On the other hand, you could also experience positive emotions like gratitude or an increase in energy. This may be especially true for those who had physically draining illnesses prior to surgery, such as bowel or bladder cancer, Crohn’s disease, or ulcerative colitis.
So yes, the emotional and physical changes of ostomy surgery may have an impact on your life. However, intimacy after healing from ostomy surgery doesn’t have to be off the table.
Give Yourself Time to Heal Physically and Emotionally
First, you need to allow your body to heal before resuming physical activity, including sex. Ostomy surgery is an extensive medical procedure, and recovery can take time. Be gentle with yourself and have patience with your body and your new stoma as you recuperate.
Going through a major change like this impacts different people in different ways. While one person might need a longer recovery time before they start thinking about intimacy again, another person may feel physically ready sooner.
Wondering when it will be safe to have sex after ostomy surgery? Talk to your healthcare provider, like a doctor or a certified ostomy nurse. They’ll have the medical expertise to provide a personalized answer for you.
Healing Emotionally After Ostomy Surgery
Part of the healing process may include processing emotions about your new ostomy. For example, you may face issues with body image, self-esteem, and feelings of attractiveness now that you have a stoma. You’ve gone through a major life change, so it’s completely normal to have complicated feelings about it.
One-on-one talk therapy with a licensed therapist or counselor can be a way to work through some of these feelings, so don’t shy away from that as an option if you’re struggling.
180 Medical employee Cindy shares that she went through stages of grief after her unexpected ostomy surgery, but she found a sense of community through the in-person and virtual ostomy support groups she found through the United Ostomy Associations of America’s helpful Support Group Finder.
Healing Physically and Addressing Any Concerns
After an extensive medical procedure like ostomy surgery, you may experience some side effects that can impact your sexual function.
Talk to your doctor or a certified ostomy nurse about any issues you may be experiencing, such as:
- Decreased sex drive
- Inability to become aroused or maintain an erection
- Loss of physical sensation around the genital area
- Pain during sex or other physical activity
We know it can feel embarrassing to talk about private issues like sex and your bodily functions. However, your ostomy nurse or another healthcare professional is there for topics just like this and more.
Also, they may be able to offer medical advice on how to safely engage in intercourse or intimacy without hurting your stoma.
When to Share About Your Ostomy with Someone You’re Dating
Your ostomy is your business, so it’s up to you who you tell. Having a colostomy, urostomy, or ileostomy is nothing to feel ashamed of or hide. Wanting to keep your ostomy private is completely understandable.
If intimacy becomes part of a dating relationship, you probably want to talk about your ostomy before the moment arrives. The best way to approach this is with open, honest communication. If you feel comfortable, help them understand why you have an ostomy and what illness or injury led to your surgery.
If you have a friend or family member who has been by your side during and after surgery, you could practice this conversation with them first. The more you practice, the more confident you may feel when you decide to bring up your ostomy with someone you’re dating.
A caring partner should respect your health, privacy, and comfort.
Talking With a Partner in a Committed Relationship
If you’re in a committed relationship, let your partner be a part of your recovery process as much as you feel comfortable. When you feel ready, make time to discuss how you and your partner both feel about your ostomy. Don’t hide your feelings or fears. Talk about any issues, including your needs regarding physical intimacy together.
If you’re having issues with poor body image and self-esteem after surgery, it may be affecting your feelings about engaging in physical intimacy. Address that with your partner. They may be able to reassure you and talk through those issues.
If you’re ready for intimacy but your partner isn’t, talking through that may help you uncover other concerns. For example, they may be dealing with worries of their own, such as a concern that they might hurt you or your new stoma during physical intimacy.
Practical Tips for Intimacy with an Ostomy
Once your doctor has given you the green light to start having sex again after ostomy surgery, you and your partner may want to discuss what you feel comfortable trying.
Be sure to stay safe and mindful of your stoma. Don’t try any activities that could potentially damage or hurt it. Talk to your doctor or an ostomy nurse if you have concerns about the best way to avoid damaging your stoma during intimacy.
1. Empty or change your ostomy pouch before intimacy
If you’re concerned about the risk of dislodging your ostomy pouch or having a sudden ostomy bag leak during intimacy, you may want to empty or change your ostomy bag beforehand.
Just a little bit of preparation beforehand can make a difference in how confident and ready you feel.
2. Consider using a mini ostomy bag or stoma cap.
When you’re ready to get physically intimate, some people may be able to wear a smaller, low-profile ostomy pouch or a stoma cap.
Of course, these pouches will not hold as much output, so you’ll have to change them soon after. However, they may be a helpful option to make physical closeness a little easier without worrying about a standard-size ostomy bag getting in the way.
3. Try a pouch cover or opaque ostomy pouch.
While clear ostomy pouches or colostomy bags with viewing windows serve a purpose, it’s understandable that you may not want the contents of your pouch on display during physical intimacy.
Our Ostomy Specialists at 180 Medical can help you find the right ostomy supplies for your needs, including opaque and discreet ostomy pouch options, such as the new Esteem Body™ Ostomy Pouches.
4. Use wraps, belts, or specialized clothing for extra security.
You have clothing and accessory options that may help you feel more comfortable about your ostomy pouch during sexual intimacy.
For example, you could try wearing a loose tank top, camisole, or lingerie to help cover your ostomy bag. Many people also prefer wearing wraps or ostomy belts, which can provide additional support and security during physical activity or daily wear.
Ostomysecrets offers a wide array of clothing options to help conceal and secure ostomy pouches, including full-coverage underwear and ostomy pouch wraps.
If you’re a 180 Medical customer, you can get a discount code for 35% off your first purchase at OstomySecrets. Contact 180 Medical’s Ostomy Specialists to get started with us or to learn more.
5. Consider ostomy products designed to help reduce the risk of leakage.
If you’re still uneasy about leakage happening during intimacy, you may also want to consider ostomy products and accessories that can help add more security for your pouch during physical activity.
For example, ESENTA™ Hydrocolloid Barrier Strips are skin-friendly, water-resistant barrier strips that can help secure your ostomy skin barrier. Just layer the flexible ostomy strips around the edge of your skin barrier or ostomy wafer. This can help keep your ostomy pouch secure and last longer.
Contact our Ostomy Specialists to go over these and other helpful ostomy product options to keep your ostomy more secure.
6. Troubleshoot any pouch odors and gas.
It’s understandable to worry about ostomy bag smells, gas, or pouch ballooning during intimacy. A few simple steps may help you feel more prepared.
You may want to take a shower or bath beforehand. Next, make sure something is attached to your stoma before engaging in any physical activity since you can’t control your stoma output. Be sure to either apply a new pouch or empty your current pouch.
You may want to try an ostomy pouch deodorizer or another pouch-safe odor-eliminating product, like ESENTA™ Lubricating Deodorant, which also helps reduce pancaking.
If you have an ileostomy or colostomy bag, you may want to talk to your doctor or ostomy nurse about options to reduce gas. If you know in advance that you plan to be intimate with a partner, you may choose to avoid common gas-causing foods and drinks, such as sugar substitutes, cabbage, soda, and beans.
7. Remember, intimacy doesn’t always have to mean intercourse.
Cuddling, kissing, and simply being present together are important parts of physical intimacy with a partner. If you’re dealing with any fear about sexual intercourse after ostomy surgery, talk to your partner about what you can still do together.
It’s okay to take things slowly. Intimacy can look different as you heal, adjust, and learn what feels comfortable for your body.
8. Give yourself room for patience, humor, and adjustment.
There may be challenges and hiccups along the road of recovery and exploring physical intimacy after ostomy surgery. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or your relationship.
For example, if your stoma makes a funny noise during physical intimacy, it’s not the end of the world. If it feels natural for you and your partner, allowing room for laughter together may help ease tension in the moment.
There are many reasons people feel differently about life with an ostomy. Maybe your ostomy has given you a second chance at life, improved your health, or helped you regain energy after illness. Maybe you’re still adjusting and figuring things out one day at a time. Wherever you are in that process, support is available.
If you need additional support in finding the right ostomy supplies for your needs, contact 180 Medical. Our compassionate Ostomy Specialists are ready to help.
Frequently Asked Questions About Intimacy After Ostomy Surgery
Can you still be intimate after ostomy surgery?
Yes. Many people with ostomies are able to have fulfilling intimate relationships and sex lives after healing from ostomy surgery.
However, recovery time and comfort levels can vary. Talk to your doctor or ostomy nurse about when it is safe for you to resume sex or other physical activity.
When can I have sex after ostomy surgery?
The timing depends on your surgery, recovery, comfort level, and your healthcare provider’s guidance. Ostomy surgery is a major medical procedure, so it’s important to get clearance from your doctor before resuming sex or other strenuous physical activity.
Will people be able to tell I have an ostomy?
Many people with ostomies find that their pouching system can stay discreet under their clothes.
During physical closeness and intimacy, your pouch may be more noticeable. It may help to talk with your partner before the moment arrives.
How do I tell someone I’m dating about my ostomy?
You can decide when and how much to share. When you feel ready, it may help to explain plainly why you had ostomy surgery and how your ostomy supports your health. Practicing the conversation with someone you trust may help you feel more confident.
Can an ostomy pouch leak during intimacy?
It’s possible, but there are ways to help reduce the risk. You may want to empty or change your pouch beforehand, use a smaller pouch or stoma cap when appropriate, or ask about accessories such as barrier strips, ostomy wraps, or belts for added support.
How can I manage ostomy odor during intimacy?
You may want to shower beforehand, empty or change your pouch, use an ostomy pouch deodorant, or ask your ostomy supplier about odor-control product options. Never use perfume, oils, or scents in or on your ostomy bag unless the product is specifically made for ostomy use.
Can I wear a smaller ostomy pouch during intimacy?
Some people choose to wear a mini ostomy pouch or stoma cap during intimacy. These options may be more discreet, but they do not hold as much output and may need to be changed soon after. Talk with your healthcare provider or ostomy supplier about which options may work for your ostomy type and routine.
What if I feel embarrassed about intimacy with an ostomy?
Feeling nervous, self-conscious, or embarrassed is completely normal after a major life change like ostomy surgery. Give yourself time to heal and adjust. Talking with your partner, joining an ostomy support group, or speaking with a licensed therapist may help you feel more supported.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Information provided on 180medical.com should not be used as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified healthcare professional. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions about your condition, treatment, or medical supply needs.
